Godhood
by The Page of Mind
Summary: A Davekat Sadstuck, one-shot. In which Dave Strider, mourning the death of Karkat Vantas, reflects upon his life, love, and what it means to be a god. (Contains Davekat and implies Rosemary, I guess. Also death. Enjoy my tired ramblings. I haven't written in awhile, so not the best quality ever. First time writing Homestuck stuff.)


Authors Note:

Hey... So. This exists now. I haven't written anything here in awhile. wow. I'm so sorry. But here's something, some Homestuck for you all.

It's a simple one-shot, I guess. A short, disorganized story from Dave's perspective.

The quality went downhill halfway through, but I wanted to get this done, at least, since I haven't done anything in a long time.

So, uh... Enjoy.

\- Page of Mind

"What does it mean to god-tier?"

You don't think anyone expected it between your usual stoic expression and "cool kid" act, the question you uttered in an empty, hollow tone, the question that now hung in the air, thick like a fog, weighing down upon the already heavy hearts before you. It remained unanswered, but not unacknowledged, as the others turned their gazes to you, saddened expressions growing more pained, worried. And of course, they all knew the answer, but they all knew that that this was not the issue as well.

Rose stares at you with gentle, concerned eyes and offers a smile, though not a true one, as you briefly meet them, an unintended contact that you quickly break away from. You wonder if she's ever posed the same query, whether aloud or in her mind, perhaps even to the jade-blooded troll who stood beside her. It would not be out of character for her to ask such a question, as morbid a thought as it could quickly become, but she still had time. She still had time to ask the question, and she still had time to answer it. Though perhaps it was finally becoming real in her mind.

And then there's John, who placed his hand on your shoulder gently, and though you couldn't see his face, you were sure his expression was one of dismay. It would've been easy to push his hand away, to leave the motion unwanted and unaccepted, claiming that his connection to the issue wasn't as personal as yours. But you didn't. You left that hand there, on your shoulder.

The others stood there too, looking at you with worry. Roxy and Calliope standing side by side, Jane not far away. Dirk standing across from you. Jake, Jade, Terezi, Kanaya. They all watched until the question faded away, leaving the air a little emptier. Not empty, but emptier. Yet the idea still hung in the back of your mind as you pondered it, and why you asked it. Even you yourself could not believe you spoke the question. Perhaps your facade was finally slipping.

But seriously, what _does_ it mean to god-tier? What does it mean to reach godhood?

God-tier is the highest level, above ever rung of the echeladder, with their stupid feathered hats and worthless boondollars. To god-tier means so much more than feathers or money worth nothing in it's own game. To god-tier means to lie on the cold, stone surface of your quest bed and await death. To god-tier means to accept death, knowing that you'll awaken granted powers and immortality.

Despite reaching godhood, despite participating in what was supposed to be a suicide mission, not even knowing it wouldn't be your end, you still haven't accepted death. Or perhaps you did at one point, but not any longer. Not now, as you see the lifeless body of the one you once loved before you. You assumed immortality, despite being conditional, was a gift of sorts, an award for delivering the tumor to the proper location knowing that you would die. But now, the gesture appears more like a sick joke.

It's so hard to imagine living when the one you dedicated everything to is gone. It's so hard to go on when they lie before you, unmoving, no longer breathing, dead. And it's so much harder when you realize this is what you'll do for an eternity. This notion brings an emptiness to you, a bottomless pit in your stomach. You can't die, at least not easily. Will you ever see him again? You can only assume he's found himself in the dream bubbles now, maybe waiting for you to fall asleep and find him. But the bubbles are unpredictable, unreliable.

You wish you could end this, end it all. Perhaps join the dead troll, find him wandering about the memories of the bubbles and never let go. But how does a god-tier die purposefully? Suicide is not heroic, unless it somehow helps someone, nor is it just, is it? Could it be interpreted that way? You stop thinking there as a wave of dread passes over you. Are you really thinking about this, about killing yourself? Is that really a solution, is that really something you wish to do? How would he react to find you dead by such a means? But what is the likelihood of dying any other way?

You scour your brain for a solution, any other solution, any other way to see him again, any other way to have him back. Your mind settles on time, traveling through time. Would it be possible to go travel back and be with him again? But before the question is even asked, you know it's not possible. This would only result in doomed timelines and more death.

You stop again here, taking a trembling breath, trying to drop the heaviness of your brain, but it simply won't leave. It sits in your head, a pool of pain and mourning. He's the first to die since you won the game, being the lowest blooded of the trolls, a mutant. You knew this would happen eventually, you knew that one day he would be dead and you would be alone. In recent years, your mind had pondered this subject endlessly. What would happen when he was gone? As this day approached, you spent every moment with him. You watched as age changed him, memorized every difference in his face, his eyes, in the way he spoke and walked, praying that today would never arrive, that you would never have to actually answer that question. But now, it's real, right in front of you.

Your name is Dave Strider. You are a god. Before you lies the cold, motionless body of Karkat Vantas. Tears fall down your face, as you speak in a broken, shaking tone, your entire facade falling of with one word.

"Why?"


End file.
